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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27951077">Hades-The Jessa Notes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastPresentFiction/pseuds/PastPresentFiction'>PastPresentFiction</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ancient Greek Religion &amp; Lore, The Walking Dead &amp; Related Fandoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cheat Sheets, Other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:54:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,868</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27951077</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastPresentFiction/pseuds/PastPresentFiction</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>An add on for those who are NOT Greek Geeks...</p><p>Feel free to have a look and tell me if this is a little helpful or not?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hades/Persephone (Ancient Greek Religion &amp; Lore)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27944864">Hades</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastPresentFiction/pseuds/PastPresentFiction">PastPresentFiction</a>.
        </li>

    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was brought to my attention that not everyone is a Greek mythology freak like me (I dabble with the Romans, but honestly, they just freaking RUINED it for me with their lack of whimsy, you know?).  But I digress.  The point is, that while I find the game of, which TWD hinted at characters match up with the Greek mythology hinted at figures wildly amusing and fun, not everyone is with me and as excited.</p><p>And so, here lies your handy-dandy, cheat sheet.</p><p>Think of this as the Jessa’s Notes (my names is not, nor will it ever be “Cliff”), and understand that I’m taking a little of this, a smidge of that, and adding a heaping helping of MY wild imagination to get this story. Now buckle up, and try to retain this shit, or at least bookmark it.</p><p> </p><p>First things first, Hades.</p><p>Hades is NOT simply the god of the underworld (see how those words aren’t uppercased?  Take unlike the Christian God, Greek gods weren’t capitalized because that wasn’t their NAME.  Their proper names were, hence Hades having the first letter capitalized.  Why, you’re about to ask, isn’t ‘underworld’ capitalized, since it’s technically a place?  Because it too has a formal name, and it’s *drum roll* “HADES”.  </p><p>Gee, with an ‘ego’ like this, I wonder who is stepping into the roll from TWD?  </p><p>Before we get around to name dropping, let’s finish up with more on the big man, Hades.  The person, not the place.</p><p>Hades has more than one name.  His Roman name is “Pluto”, maybe don’t bring that up, after being downgraded from full planet to ‘dwarf planet’ and being Mickey Mouse’s pet doggo is named after him while the mouse’s best friend is another dog named Goofy for fuck’s sake.  Other titles he goes by are:  “Pluton”, “the Unseen”, “the Wealthy One”, and “the Giver of Wealth”.</p><p>Now I know what you’re wondering, how does the god of death give wealth?  You have to know two things.  Hades is NOT the god of death.  That’s Thanatos, which we’ll dive into later on, and the other thing is just logic.  Where precisely do all precious stones and minerals, basically anything of value and worth reside?  If you said beneath the earth, as in underground, then you get a cookie.  Hades rules the underworld, hence the UNDERGROUND, and therefore rules the mines, the oil reserves, the cache of gold, diamonds, and on and on.  </p><p>Before we start thinking how lucky Hades is to be ruler over basically a pretty kick ass region, let’s start at the beginning.  And I mean the freaking dawn of it all.  Back before the gods existed as we learned about them, when the titans ruled.  The king of the titans was Cronus (also spelled Kronos). And let me tell you this, if you think that Freud was an odd duck with his theory about Oedipus and his mom?  Well Cronus started the craze with a serious distrust for his kids.<br/>
It started with his own envy of his dad, Uranus (don’t laugh, dude had some serious crap coming at the hands of his kids AND his wifey), with his mommy dearest (Gaia) pushing hard over a minor issue with daddy and another kid, there was a castration situation and one thing led to another and bing bang boom, Cronus was the new king and had his wife Rhea at his side.  Unfortunately, much like a self fulfilling prophecy (which was a HUGE thing throughout mythology, prophecies, self fulfilling or not), he too was destined to be deposed by his own children.</p><p>What’s a sane father to do, other than eat his kids, right?  Unfortunately he ate the WRONG kids.  One kid, actually, cause the others gave up and decided that Cronus/daddy’s gut wasn’t horribly uncomfortable to hang in for eternity (immortal gods, remember), but Zeus, with the help of HIS mother, cut himself and his siblings out, sliced and diced daddy up into shreds and sent the pieces to hang tight in Tartarus.  </p><p>The siblings that came belching out of daddy’s gut to rule the world at Zeus’ aid were: Poseidon, Hera, Hades, Demeter, and Hestia.  The big three, the boys of course, were the ones who divided up the ruling parts.  Zeus got dibs on being the head honcho, Poseidon went with the fishes, and Hades drew the lot for the underworld.  Each also got a magical weapon/symbol of power.  Zeus had his lightning bolt, Poseidon his trident, and Hades had his helm of darkness (understanding that “the Unseen” part yet?).  </p><p>Now, Zeus married Hera (yes, his ‘sister’, look if you’re gonna get grossed out by god/goddess coupling then trust me, you’d better walk all the fuck away now).  Cheated like a dog his entire immortal life, and ironically she’s the goddess of marriage.  I know.  </p><p>Poseidon was also a notorious womanizer.  Couldn’t keep it in his pants and had a thing for monsters (both before and creating-we have him to thank for Medusa).  You’d think a dude who hung out in the damn water would be able to find a way to keep busy, but that would be a hard NO.</p><p>Hestia actually gave up her seat as one of the Olympians (there’s a seating of 12, you can look that up, since it’s not really important to the story, but SHE pops up in the tale).  She’s the goddess of hearth and home, and she gave up her spot to keep the peace.  When the faithful gave tribute (burnt offerings of food and such into the flames of the fireplace or around a fire), part went to her by default.  She’s the serene one, they probably should have kept her on the council, honestly.  </p><p> </p><p>HADES the place.  For all intents and purposes there are many facets that make up the underworld.  In mythology, the afterlife can take different forms depending upon what you got up to in the first go round.  While most myths focus on the paths of heroes (usually demigods, the children of gods/goddess and the flings they had with mortals), the underworld catered to all mortals.  </p><p>When a mortal departed their life, the first stop, so to speak was the ferryman at the River Styx. The ferryman’s name was Charon (not to be confused with CHIRON, the centaur who trained Achilles)  who charged a fee for the crossing.  Anyone who has ever watched Boondock Saints (or the Jim Carrey/Disney A Christmas Carol) and seen the coins on the eyes of the dead, can now understand why they were placed there.  The true price was an obolus (a small coin that was actually placed in the mouth of the dead by pious relatives), penniless or friendless paupers would crowd the shore for a hundred years according to Virgil’s Aeneid.  </p><p>Once across, the dead would be greeted by Cerberus, the many headed dog (accounts vary on the number of heads, I prefer three as it’s most common).  Once passed the dog, the shades as the dead were called would enter the land of the dead for jugement.  Judgement came from three judges, and NO Hades was NOT one of them.  </p><p>There are five other rivers in the underworld.  After the Styx, which is considered the river of hatred and circles Hades seven times.  The Archeon is the second and known as the river of pain (it’s also sometimes interchanged with the Styx as the one that Charon rows the shades across).  The Lethe is the river of forgetfulness.  The Phlegethon is the river of fire which is supposed to lead to Tartarus.  The Cocytus which is the river of wailing, and last is Oceanus which is the river that circles the world.  </p><p>Once judged, the shades or souls are sent to one of three places:  The Fields of Asphodel (or Meadows), Isle of the Blessed (Elysium), or Tartarus.  The first is like purgatory, the second heaven, the third best not to dwell upon.  </p><p>And so ends our tour of Hades, please keep your hands and feet inside the boat at all times, tip the ferryman and don’t touch the water...Seriously, DON’T.</p><p>POP QUIZ:</p><p>Who is playing Hades (the god, not the place) in this lovely story?<br/>
Who is Thanatos? (This is an EASY one, it’s RIGHT THERE)<br/>
Who is Charon?  (Seriously, it’s like I’m just giving this shit away)</p><p> </p><p>Lastly, did this help?  Should I do this again?  Or should I give up and hide?  Help me out, people!!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Persephone...Talk About Mommy Issues</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Now you’re completely ready to own all your friends at trivia about Hades-god of the underworld, right?  </p><p>Great, well, sort of.  He’s a little deeper than I went, but I’d rather flesh the guy out in my own way and time if you don’t mind.  </p><p>Now that I have Hades somewhat taken care of, let me move on to my OC.  </p><p>I’m sure you noticed that my girl has had a bit of a weird upbringing.  Her mama is a, to put it mildly, bitch.  Cunt might be a better word.  She’s terrible.  And I bet if you think LONG and hard on it, you can come up with my inspiration for her.  </p><p>Trust me on this, however, my OC is literally an OC.  She doesn’t show up in TWD at all.  Based on mythology sure, but she’s not one of the characters you know and love (or love to hate, whatever).  </p><p>What did Demeter ever do to me to make me create such a terrible monster out of her for this tale?  First of all, I have a black thumb.  Honest to every deity you can toss my way, I kill every plant life anyone tosses my way, even plastic ones.  That being said, I don’t BLAME Demeter for my inability to grow pretty plants.  Why would I?  </p><p>Mostly I blame her for having a temper fit because her daughter got a boyfriend and instead of trying to have a fucking sit down like a grown up, she literally nearly caused a famine.  I mean, really?</p><p>But I’m getting ahead of myself again.</p><p>I mentioned, in the actual notes for the actual story that I’m doing these notes for, that I’m playing pick and choose with the myths and tales I want to utilize.  Then I’m adding a dash of this, and a heaping helping of my own imagination and well see what comes out.  </p><p>Most people hear the names Hades and Persephone and their minds automatically (if they know ANYTHING about mythology at all) to the kidnapping/rape/ect of Persephone by Hades.  It’s the most common version.  That Persephone was tiptoeing through the tulips as a goddess of spring is wont to do, and bing bang boom Hades bags and tags her, then tricks her into eating pomegranate seeds (if she eats any fruit of the underworld she cannot leave, them’s the rules), lookie there, he’s got himself a wife.  </p><p>I just don’t like that.  The version I prefer is the one where Persephone, stifled a bit by her mother’s overprotectiveness (recall, she’s the daughter of Demeter AND Zeus, wouldn’t YOU be a tad bit overprotective?), and went out looking for adventure.  Perhaps not the underworld, perhaps simply something new, a diversion.  Something to see that wasn’t wheat or flowers, something that didn’t scream nature and responsibility.  And she fell into this darkness that flickered with jewels (“Giver of Wealth”), a different sort of color than she was used to, and he’s taken aback by this tiny being who shines in the gloom.  </p><p>Pomegranates symbolize fertility, beauty, and eternal life.  I find it hard to believe that if Hades chose that as the fruit he offered her, that he did so without knowing WHAT he was saying.  That in this woman, this being that he didn’t see coming, he found IT.  Whatever it is.</p><p>Aside from the MASSIVE fit her mother threw, dragging her father into the mess and forcing Persephone’s hand, I’m not sure that she would have had the urge to leave her husband’s side to go north for the three months to assure the changing seasons.  She’s a goddess, would her physical presences REALLY be necessary?  Honestly?  </p><p> </p><p>And ironically, while Persephone (who was supposedly his VICTIM, remember) showed a few signs of jealousy (she turned one of his former flames into a fucking plant-mint actually), and as far as I can tell he NEVER cheated on her--Unlike her own father (who wasn’t married to her mother/his sister, remember?).  </p><p>The point is that Demeter, even after Persephone finds a life with Hades, one that she appears to take some peace in, she cannot let her daughter go.  At some point every parent has to cut the cord, but not the goddess of agriculture, apparently.  Nope, she’ll just go batshit insane and try to wipe out mortal life because her daughter didn’t run her love life past her first. </p><p> </p><p>This is clearly a shorter “lecture”, but Persephone is somewhat easier to deal with, since she’s pretty clear cut.  Her backstory doesn’t involve infacide or patricide, and at best she has a truly screwed up relationship with her mother.  </p><p>Now for the POP QUIZ:</p><p> Who is Demeter based on?  (This one might be a wee bit trickier than the boys, got to admit.)<br/>Which of Negan’s former flames would YOU turn into a plant?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Mint Condition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the last “lecture” I mentioned Minthe.  It was a one off because I had a thought about leaving her out of the story.  Most writers toss her in, she’s a funny side note to an otherwise pretty fun tale, right?  </p><p>I realized though, Minthe is an AWESOME note.  Regardless of which version of Hades and Persephone meet cute you go with, Minthe the naiad that thought it was smart to try to poke a goddess about who was more likely to win the god of the underworld’s wifey role is a pretty interesting storyline.  </p><p>So what is a naiad?  It’s a water nymph.  Think water fairy, kind of.  Minthe was a fresh water nymph (other versions exist for oceans, springs, and so on).  Minthe’s source, the body that she was linked to (her life force was associated with it) was the Cocytus (the river of wailing, remember?).  Sounds like she was BORN to be a fun time, right?  </p><p>Now depending again on which version of the tale you want to believe, either Minthe got to Hades PRIOR to Persephone meeting our tall, dark and brooding hottie, OR she caught sight of him AFTER he was bespoken for and got bedazzled by ALL that.  Regardless, what she did once Persephone WAS in fact in the picture is what got her turned from a free spirited water sprite into a plant that we use for garnishes, toothpaste, and gum.</p><p>Basically, she loudly proclaimed that sure, Hades is showing interest in Persephone NOW.  But that’s just because she’s got that NEW CAR SMELL kind of thing going on.  Once the shine wears off, he’s going to remember how HOT and SPICY little ole Minthe the water fairy is and he’ll be splashing in a completely different paddling pool, if you catch her drift.  (Wink Wink Nod Nod)</p><p>Again, the myth goes in two different directions.  In one version, it’s Persephone in a snit that basically sees RED, grows glorious horns of hate, and proceeds to literally STOMP Minthe into well, MINT.  In another telling, it’s DEMETER, mommy dearest who pulls out her earrings and goes ghetto on the nymph cause no one is gonna say shit about her baby.  Even if she is into her weirdo brother.  </p><p>Regardless of WHICH plant based goddess going freaked out rage bitch, Minthe was turned into MINT.  For which I am eternally thankful.  I mean without mint we would be lacking SO much, you know?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Where There's Smoke...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The twelve Olympians came up earlier, in the first ‘chapter’ of Jessa’s Notes.  I mentioned that Hestia (one of the six siblings that was cut out of the titan Cronus’ tumtum) gave up her spot on the ‘council’ for another Olympian to keep the peace.  I thought I’d give a little more information on Hestia since (if you’ve read chapter 4 of Hades) she’ll be popping up pretty often in the story.</p><p>Hestia is the goddess of family hearth.  She also has the distinction of being the goddess of civic hearth (think town halls or in Greek times ‘prytaneion’ since a fire for various rituals and whatnot was standard in most meeting places).  </p><p>She’s one of the perpetual maiden goddesses.  There are three, and they basically swore off the company of men, love, and take a vow of chastity (this does NOT mean that they have no demigod children-it’s tricky with Athena, but that’s a COMPLETELY different tale and NOT one I plan on telling).  The other two are Athena, like I mentioned, and Artemis who gets around her lack of children by ‘adopting’ other young women who’ve had enough of men’s shit to swear them off as well, thus creating ‘the Hunters of Artemis’.  Again, a tale for another time.  </p><p>Both Apollo (Artemis’ twin brother, actually) AND Poseidon tried to pay court to Hestia (yes, for those extra studious people, that would be Hestia’s nephew and her brother), but she not only bypassed them, but she fought off Aphrodite’s interference.  As a reward, Zeus, no doubt impressed that ANYONE could say no to sex or romance of ANY sort, bestowed upon her the honor of presiding over ALL sacrifices from that day on.  Thus creating the custom of Hestia getting the FIRST offering of every sacrifice.</p><p>Now, seeing that Hestia is all about family and hearth and home life, it stands to reason that she is closely connected to her brother Zeus.  Aside from being the king of the gods, his entire thing is about unifying the world and hospitality (his policies are classical politicians’, do as I SAY not as I DO).  She also is the inside life version to the outdoor life version that Hermes is all about.  Much later her role expands to hearth goddess of the universe.</p><p> </p><p>12 Olympians</p><p>The 12 Olympians can be a bit of a debate.  For one thing, depending on WHICH person you speak to, three to four more names can be tossed in or out, but for the most part only TWO are swappable.  </p><p>The main 11 that remain no matter what are:</p><p>Zeus<br/>Hera<br/>Athena<br/>Apollo<br/>Poseidon<br/>Ares<br/>Artemis<br/>Demeter<br/>Aphrodite<br/>Hermes<br/>Hephaestus</p><p>Here’s where Hestia gets tossed around.  She’s either in, as the original and still standing, or she WAS in, but once ANOTHER one of Zeus’ offshoots popped up and insults started being thrown around she reconsidered and chose unity over power offered up her spot to DIONYSOS.</p><p>I think if you look at the type of goddess she was supposed to be, the likelier option is that she stepped aside. Leaving her spot didn’t remove her powers, nor did it revoke her first offering status.  What did she lose, other than awkward family gatherings?  </p><p>Hopefully you are going to like the role that Hestia (Hes for short) will be playing in Hades.  </p><p> </p><p>POP QUIZ:</p><p>Who’s playing Hes?  (This might be super super easy too, not sure.)  <br/>Who would you pick to play Zeus? (I left him super duper vague because, honestly there are TOO many choices.)</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The OG FanFic OR The WORST Version Of...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I feel it pertinent to take a brief moment to explain something before I get an inevitable comment telling me that they KNOW for a FACT that the explanations I’m giving for THIS myth (pick one, anyone) is NOT correct (sites this version right here, highlighted, referenced with link).  </p><p>The reason I LOVE Greek mythology (See first ‘chapter/lecture’ for reason that I don’t adore the Roman twist) is because there are multiple takes given whomever happened to have picked up the torch for that given day.  One could, in fact, argue that mythology (any and all types) were somewhat precursors for fanfics.  Since you have the various writers/authors/philosophers/oral historians you get different takes. </p><p>Do you dislike the idea that mythology is like fanfic?  OK, then try this one on for size:  The biggest, messiest, some of the players might have been slightly deaf and others might have NOT spoken the same language and translators weren’t available version of the game of TELEPHONE.  You know the game I’m talking about?  Where you start at one end of a room and you whisper something stupid like “Sally has purple panties on.” in Joey’s ear and Joey is supposed to tell the next person that phrase exactly  and then that person tells the next person and so on and so on until you get to the end and that person is supposed to tell the entire room what the first person said and they scream “Sandy Sue is a pile of pussy pus!”  </p><p>Technically some of the letters are the same, but it didn’t come out right in the end.</p><p>I have a LOT of favorite myths that I try to tie into my other stories (Pandora shows up in The Deal, for instance) because something can be learned or worked through with each one of them.  Sometimes it’s silly as hell, and sometimes there’s a lesson to figure out (Pandora is a great parallel to Eve from Adam and Eve, but I digress).   </p><p>The reason that the story of Hades and Persephone popped into my head is that I find a LOT of inspiration on Pinterest.  A LOT.  And these quotes kept showing up, over and over, because of some of my more Callie/Negan (and a tad bit of Amara/Negan) aesthetic searches that I was covering.  From there I found a ‘series’ on Amazon, and I hate to be “THAT” writer, but I was left unsatisfied.  </p><p>Since I’m currently up to my armpits (and tablet, laptop, are you getting the picture?) in research and writing on this story that I fucking hope pans out professionally, I chose to “play” with this one.  Also, honestly?  This is EXACTLY how I’d be teaching my class if I’d finished my degree.  And I find it a fun distraction.  </p><p> </p><p>The next ‘chapters/lectures’ will focus on whatever myths get mentioned as they come, unless anyone has something they want to ask for more information about? </p><p>Now back to work on more chapters (and more dark times in Victorian London)...</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chaos, Earth, Dad--Is That YOU?!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alright, back to our regularly scheduled ‘lectures’ shall we?  </p><p>I’m going to go back to the VERY beginning.  I mean ALL the way back. </p><p>To understand the mythology of the Greeks, you have to understand why the entanglement of their family trees get so snaggled, snared, and why the resemblance to a really terrifying episode of Jerry Springer comes to mind.  </p><p>In the BEGINNING, there was Chaos.  (Think of how the primordial ooze that started all life and the Big Bang worked.)  From Chaos sprung Gaia.  Gaia is the Earth.  As in THE Earth.  Gaia, as Earth, is the ancestral mother of all life, including Uranus (remember him?). The entire parentage is questionable, determined by who is telling the tale as seen in other parts of my explanations.  Since I’m not planning on doing a Greek Mythology episode of Maury, I’m not going to play “You Are/Not the Father”.   Uranus is the sky.  </p><p>OK, now buckle up because we’re going on a family tree roller coaster.  Gaia and Uranus got freaky deaky, a LOT.  Uranus, being down with covering his mom/lover, was NOT down with the offspring of said covering.  In fact, he HATED his children.    </p><p>Not only was Uranus the father of the Titans (Oceanus, Coeus, Crius, Hyperion, Iapetus, Theia, Rhea, Themis, Mnemosyne, Phoebe, Tethys, and Cronus), but he also had a hand in fathering the Cyclopes (Brontes, Steropes, Arges), and Hecatoncheires (Hundred-Handed Ones- Cottus, Briareus, and Gyges).  It was these last two groups that caused him the most angst, and saw him showing his worst parenting skills by imprisoning them in Tartarus much to Gaia’s irritation.</p><p>What’s a proud Earth mother to do?  She conspired with her Titan sons, finding a more than willing partner in her youngest, most envious of dear old dad son, Cronus.  Creating a sickle from stone, setting up a meeting with Uranus, and stepping back to watch as her baby boy castrated her son/lover, Uranus was unmanned by his youngest son, an upstart who would go farther than his own father when it came to ‘worst baby daddy ever’.</p><p>First off, when he attacked Uranus with the sickle, the blood that hit the earth didn’t simply soak through and that was that.  This is mythology we’re talking about, and NOTHING goes to waste.  No, his blood hit the earth and from it sprung forth the Erinyes (you’ll know them as the Furies), the Gigantes (Giants), and Meliae (ash-tree nymphs).  Since Cronus’ plan wasn’t simply to wound, he was sent to castrate, once he removed Daddy Dearest’s dangly bits, he tossed them into the sea.  Again, nothing to waste, once the genitals made contact with the water, a sea foam swirled and out sprang the goddess Aphrodite (though there’s another take that swears that she was born from Zeus and Dione).  </p><p>With Uranus out of his way, Cronus grabbed his older sister Rhea by the hand and took the world’s throne for himself.  AFTER he imprisoned the Hundred-Handed Ones and the Cyclops with an upgrade to their guarding with a dragon named Campe.  I guess Gaia should have made sure her little boy understood the terms of the deal.</p><p>Interestingly enough, the rule of Cronus was known as the “Golden Age” because the people had no need for rules or laws, everyone did the right thing since immorality was absent (see Pandora/ Prometheus coming soon).</p><p>Learning from Gaia/Uranus that he was destined to meet a similar fate, perhaps WITHOUT losing the dangly bits, Cronus chose to make certain that his sons wouldn’t be able to depose of him as he had his own father.</p><p>He sired Demeter, Hestia, Hera, Hades, and Poseidon devouring each as soon as Rhea gave birth to them.  </p><p>When Rhea was pregnant with Zeus, she sought out Gaia.  Tired of Cronus eating her children, and maybe realizing that he was a tad bit of a psycho after what he’d done to their father, she asked for help.  </p><p>Giving birth in secret to Zeus in Crete.  She gave Cronus a large stone (Omphalos Stone) wrapped in swaddling clothes (which begs a LOT of questions about how well Cronus knew children) which he promptly swallowed.  Zeus was kept hidden in a cave on Mt. Ida, Crete.</p><p>There are three versions of his childhood.  Either he was raised by a goat named Amalthea while a company of Kouretes (armor wearing male dancers) shouted and clapped to mask his cries, a nymph called Adamathea hid him by dangling him on a rope hung from a tree between the earth, sea, and sky since Cronus ruled all three, or Gaia raised him.  I’m not entirely sure any one of them makes a difference to the rest of the tale, honestly.</p><p> </p><p>Once little Zeus was grown, whether goat, nymph, or grandma reared, he found a way to have Cronus imbibe an emetic which forced his stomach contents to spew out what he’d devoured in reverse order.  Stone, Poseidon, Hades, Hera, Hestia, then Demeter.  Once his siblings and his rock persona were free, Zeus freed the Hundred-Handed Ones and the Cyclops (who forged his lightning bolts, Poseidon’s trident, and Hades’ helm of darkness).  During a vast war, called the Titanomachy, Zeus along with his siblings and the released Hundred-Handed Ones and Cyclops overthrew Cronus and the other Titans.  </p><p>While there are more tidbits from that war, I’ve covered what I needed to to move on to the meat of the main bits that are needed for the topic at hand.  Zeus.  </p><p>Once you win the war of the Titans and become the king of the gods, what would you do?  </p><p>If you said, “Marry my sister, then throw a dart and turn myself into random inanimate and animate objects to get all kinds of consentual and NON-consentual sex,” then you win!  Ding, ding, ding, ding!</p><p>I’d list ALL the times that Zeus used a ruse to get laid, but honest to God, I’d run out of characters, develop carpal tunnel, and possibly go blind from staring at the blue screen for too damn long.  Let’s just list some of the more interesting hits, shall we?</p><p>He’s turned himself into:<br/>(all of these were used to have sex with humans or goddesses, not with animals he changed into)<br/>Eagle<br/>Flame (yes, you read that correctly, he turned himself into FIRE to have sex)<br/>Satyr<br/>Shower<br/>Shower of Gold<br/>Phoenix<br/>Bull<br/>Ant<br/>Bear<br/>Swan<br/>Star<br/>His Daughter (Yes, he turned himself into Artemis, his own daughter, to get laid)<br/>The woman’s husband (talk about cuckolding)<br/>Serpent<br/>Goose<br/>Vulture</p><p>I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been so sex crazed that I looked around and thought, “I’m so horny, that I’d be willing to turn into a BUG just so I could have sex.”  </p><p>I chose to mention Zeus’ proclivity to tiptoe outside the bounds of his marital bed before I delved into his homelife because usually people focus on how jealous and hateful Hera can be.  Well, (glances up at the lengths to which her darling brother/husband goes to to step out) I think we can somewhat understand.  </p><p>Hera is the goddess of women, marriage, family, and childbirth.  How do you think you’d feel if your partner in life went around stomping on everything you supposedly stood for?  Their children are Ares, Hebe, and Hephaestus. Meanwhile, Zeus’ children with OTHER women (mortals, goddesses, and on and on) could run for pages.  In fact, there was a nymph, Echo, whose job was to keep Hera occupied so she wasn’t inundated by the affairs and offspring of them.  Is it any wonder that as a punishment for the incessant talking (how would YOU distract the queen of the gods while her husband banged other goddess/women?), Echo was forced to repeat the words of others forevermore? </p><p>There are running jokes that the king of the gods couldn’t keep it in his pants.  And we see the proof.  There’s even a little seed that he might have tried to have a go at Persephone (for my story, I’m leaving that one out, not that my girl won’t tease and poke her parents about the likelihood given her father’s proclivities).  </p><p> </p><p>And that, my friends, is Zeus in a nutshell.  For the most part.  He’s egotistical (youngest son, biggest role in ruling).  He’s insatiable (see sex drive, also thirst for punishment).  And he’s Persephone’s daddy.  </p><p>Still deciding who in TWD is best to portray him...</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Words Have Power...At Least IF You Know What They MEAN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It’s been awhile since I did a “study guide” for mythology.  I do apologize for that, but the holidays have everyone pretty screwed up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, the first thing I think I need to do is work up some vocabulary.  I’ve been using some words that might need to be given a little bit of a description simply because I’ll be tossing them around more and more as this story takes off or finishes up, depending on how good old Senator Tillis’ bullshit works out.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without further ado, here goes the first round of mythological vocabulary:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ICHOR</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’ve used this in the past two chapters, I think (I’m not taking the time to go back and double check right this moment, so you can correct me in the comments if this makes you feel better.).  Ichor is the golden fluid that runs through godly veins.  It’s god blood. That’s all. And it’s supposedly toxic to humans/mortals.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(I always think of Spock in Star Trek when I think of Ichor- And by Spock, I mean Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy and his “Green blooded hobgoblin” comment.  I have a thing for Karl Urban, take it up with management.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>AMBROSIA</b>
  <span> and by extension </span>
  <b>NECTAR</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ambrosia and Nectar haven't been brought up YET, but it will be mentioned sooner or later.  These are the ACTUAL names for the food and drink of the gods.  Ambrosia is the term given the nibbles, and nectar is the word for the drinkie poos.  Both can grant mortals immortality, so both are guarded jealously by the gods (which you’ll see in glorious detail in a tale I’m going to share a little bit later).  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>NYMPH</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now we use this term still today.  Nymph is a general classification of a female minor divine being attached to a living naturally occurring thing.  Flora or waterways are usually associated with nymphs, as are their proclivity for being approachable for those of the male persuasion.  While NYMPH was the large classification, they are further distinguished by the sphere of nature to which they were connected (their life source, if you will).</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>OCEANIDS</b>
  <span> were sea nymphs</span>
</p><p>
  <b>NEREIDS</b>
  <span> inhabit both saltwater and freshwater </span>
</p><p>
  <b>NAIADS</b>
  <span> presided over springs, rivers, and lakes (Hello, Minthe)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>OREADS</b>
  <span> (oros “mountains”) were found on mountains and in grottoes</span>
</p><p><b>NAPAEAE</b><span> (nape “dell”) and the </span><b>ALSEIDS</b><span> (aslos “groves”) who found solace in glens</span> <span>and groves</span></p><p><b>DRYADS</b><span> and </span><b>HAMADRYADS</b><span> were nymphs that could be found in forests and and </span> <span>within the trees</span></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Italy had native divinities of water, springs, and stream goddesses called </span>
  <b>LYMPHAE</b>
  <span> who the Greek nymphs became identified.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>THE FATES (MOIRAI)</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There are three fates, which are three goddesses who weave the destinies of mortals from the moments of their births.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>CLOTHO</b>
  <span> was the Spinner</span>
</p><p>
  <b>LACHESIS</b>
  <span> was the Alloter</span>
</p><p>
  <b>ATROPOS</b>
  <span> was the Inflexible</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Depending upon which origin myth you go by, they are either the daughters of Nyx (the female personification of Night, feared even by Zeus) OR the daughters of Zeus and Themis (a Titan and sometimes seen as Zeus’ second wife).  A third origin myth has their mother being Ananke or Necessity (Orphic cosmogony).  Regardless of how they came to be, their power was immense and not even Zeus could overrule or recall their decisions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Fates are important to ANY mythological based tale simply because they stir all the pots in every tale.  Since they hold the power for how destinies unfold, for mortals at least, this means that they hold a special place in the tales.  (And we’ve had their work seen already.  *waves at poor Adonis*)</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>I think that will do for Greek Myth Vocabulary for the moment.  Onward to the next study guide, that’s right, today you get more than ONE!</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. A Heel and A Punishment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ichor was the first of our vocabulary words in the last study guide, so I thought I’d start with a little tale about how a mortal MIGHT be able to take their nasty regular red blood and turn it gold.  </p><p> </p><p>Ambrosia and nectar are the food and drink of the gods and I mentioned how closely they kept those to themselves.  Since they were so closely guarded, it wasn’t difficult for a few clever human/mortals to figure out that this shit was golden. Or at least it would MAKE your blood golden.  </p><p> </p><p>One such person, in at least ONE version of the tale (keep reminding yourself that almost EVERY single myth has at least TWO versions), was Achilles’ mother Thetis.  Since most parents in ancient Greece had an ear to the ground, or an eye on the Fates they tended to want greatness for their little ones, or they heard a prophecy that warned against a bad thing.  Thetis wanted to make sure her little boo-boo was going to outshine the other little boo-boos, so she decided to anoint her little shit in Ambrosia not long after she pooped him out (yes, I just did that, no I’m not sorry).  </p><p> </p><p>I could go into graphic, long-winded detail about how Thetis came across the recipe for making an immortal baby, but the point is that she got her some god food, slathered her baby in it, then ran him through the open flames.  (Before you judge, how would YOU make an immortal baby cake, if not through BAKING IT?)  She had to burn away his “mortal parts” seriously, I read this online, and I didn’t burn out my own mortal parts.  </p><p> </p><p>Her husband, Peleus, with the BEST grounds for divorce AND sole custody EVER, came in just as she was finishing up and basically asked her if she’d lost her fucking mind and Thetis went into a snit, stopped the baking at Achilles’ (if you guessed ‘heel’ you win nothing because for fuck’s sake that was the EASIEST thing EVER), and that my friends is how Achilles was made into an ALMOST completely immortal being.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>This is NOT the only time that mortals got their hot little hands on some godly food.  Oh no, not at all.  You see, I also told you that Hades rarely (and I mean count on one hand rarely) sat in judgement in the afterlife.  The same could be said for choosing punishment or meteing it out.  </p><p> </p><p>So I begin the tale of Tantalus.  Tantalus was favored by the gods, since he was the son of Zeus and a nymph called Plouto.  With his wife (of which this is a ton of discrepancy) he had three children:  Pelops, Niobe, and Broteas.  </p><p> </p><p>Since he was favored by the gods, he was also welcomed at their table.  One rule, and of course it was the ONE rule that he flipped a giant bird to, he wasn’t to take ANY food or drink with him when he returned home.  He took both, wanting to share immortality with his people and to uncover divine wisdom to boot.  </p><p> </p><p>Now, when you piss off the gods, ALL of them including dear old dad, you’d think he’d have though “I should apologize and make amends” right?  Well, if your idea of apologizing and making amends is “cut up my son and feed him to the gods as a ‘sacrifice’” then he did do that.</p><p> </p><p>Only ONE goddess actually was SO depressed and upset that she ate ANY of poor Pelops, and that was Persephone’s momma.  Yep, Demeter, so undone by her daughter and Hades’ relationship, took a bite out of what was once the kid’s shoulder before she realized it had once been Tantalus’ son.  When Zeus took full notice of what the idiot had done, he took up the issue with Clotho (the Spinner of the Fates), debated his case, and managed to get them to give Pelops a redo.  </p><p> </p><p>Since he had a chunk gone from his shoulder (thanks, Demeter), Hephaestus forged a chip out of ivory to replace it.  </p><p> </p><p>Tantalus was tossed out of Olympus and after he’d lived his natural life, he was judged and then his punishment was chosen by <strong>ZEUS</strong>.  You’ll have heard of his punishment, and it’s been depicted by multiple artists.  He’s the elderly man, standing in a stream (pond, river, body of water) with a bower of fruit overhead.  He’s gaunt and clearly hungry and thirsty.  His punishment is this: if he tries to lower himself for a drink, the water recedes, if he tries to reach for the fruit it rises out of reach.  </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  
</p><p><br/>Now if you’re seeing a bit of a parallel between ambrosia/nectar and that damn apple/fruit in the Garden with Eve...Well, you aren’t wrong. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Going to the Temple...Doesn't Quite Have the Same Ring To It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Wow, it has been A WHILE since I’ve “taught” one of these, hasn’t it?</p><p>Apologies, truly and deeply.  In all honesty, I’ve been working on an actual novel (it’s a work in progress, but fuck if I don’t hope like hell it pans out - seriously!) and I have on this site, under this nom de plume alone sixteen works in progress, and five under another (Harry Potter and I have to get back to doing those, damn it).  </p><p>Now, this particular chapter isn’t really about mythology. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I KNOW, but there’s a method to this madness.  I realized that - as I’m writing the next chapter(s) - the wedding/marital customs during ancient Greek times might need to be more fleshed out than I can do justice with Seph and Hades.</p><p>First of all, theirs is going to go a bit differently since they are, in fact, gods.  Kind of silly to make offerings to their own kind, you know?  Also, the fact is that I’m weaving some of the present in with some of the old, so there’s that. (Look, you figure out how to have some of the kick ass wedding shit from now and toss it back then and NOT have it be weird and I’ll light a candle at your fucking altar, alright? Until then, let me do me.)</p><p> </p><p>Get out your notepads, sharpen your brains, cause here we go:</p><p>I could go into detail about engagements, proposals, bartering, and all that nonsense, but none of that shit matters here.  Hades and Seph are getting hitched, that other shit? Um, well, we skipped it cause they can’t keep their paws off one another and Hades was almost tempted to let Demeter TRY to kill the entire human race to prove that she ain’t the boss of him.  I think going backward at this point would be a little stupid.</p><p>So we’re going to pick up at the ACTUAL wedding event.  </p><p>Ancient Greeks had a three part ceremony/ritual/tradition that lasted three days.  It was broken down into the PROAULIA, GAMOS, and EPAULIA.  </p><p>First up, the PROAULIA.  </p><p>During the proaulia it was all about the girls.  The bride spent this time with her girls, her female relatives, her mother (if she isn’t a fucking psycho who wants to kill the mortal population cause she didn’t get her way), and she spends it a lot like a normal bride (NOT a Bridezilla, for real, those women are fucking Demeters on crack with a side of “DO NOT WED”).  </p><p>It was also a feast, held at her papa’s house, where she’d give various offerings.  This is where things could get a little weird (for us, back then it was like *shrug* normal).  These offerings were called PROTELEIA.  They were usually given to the goddesses (Athena, Aphrodite, Artemis).  For example, when the bride was still an adolescent, she might have dedicated some toys to Artemis as a prelude to finding a husband and in hopes of having some kids.  She might cut a lock of her hair and dedicate it to show her passage into womanhood. Giving up the girdle she’s worn since adolescence was another one. You know, perfectly normal shit to do over some barbeque.  Plus, bonus, this was when the bride signified her bond with the gods on her own, without her mama and papa as a go between.</p><p> </p><p>So our blushing bride has theoretically (and literally) burned her girdle in preparation for her impending “I dos”  what comes next?  </p><p> </p><p>The GAMOS, or the actual wedding day for you pedantic fucks who want to be normal and not use fou fou words to wow those people in your life who will ask you if you got something stuck in your throat when you toss out that word.  </p><p>Nowadays the wedding day is “simple” in that the bride wakes up surrounded by a bunch of her nearest and dearest - NOT the hubby to be if she knows what’s good for her according to superstition - and proceeds to freak the fuck out about EVERY fucking thing all day long. From invisible lint to being late because her lipstick is the wrong color, the bride will lose her mind all fucking day, and not find it until it’s all over, and maybe not then. </p><p>The GAMOS wasn’t that simple.  First came the PROTELIA (there’s that word again - it means PREMARITAL, by the way) sacrifice.  This was so the gods would do them a solid and bless the union.  That out of the way (and it wasn’t specified WHAT was sacrificed, and I DON’T wanna know, I like animals, and so I’m gonna pretend it was a cookie), next up was the bride’s nuptial bath.  That’s right, gotta wash that ass so it’s nice and fresh for her new hubby to greet for the *cough* first time.  Cause I’m SURE he’s never once had the occasion to see, taste, touch, smell any part of our very innocent bride.  </p><p>The bath symbolized purification, fertility (could they at least sample and enjoy before we start up the baby oven?) and the water itself was brought to the bath by a special container called a LOUTROPHOROS.  </p><p>The bride AND groom would make offerings to the temple to ensure a fruitful future together, then a wedding feast would be attended by both families at the father of the bride’s.  However, men and women sat at different tables.  Still no mixing, guys, gotta hold that shit at bay for a LITTLE while yet.  And the ladies had to sit and wait until the dudes were finished.  </p><p>The MOST important ritual of the wedding day was the removal of the bride’s veil - ANAKALYPTERIA - this signified the completion of the transfer of the bride from her family to her husband’s.  (Sounds a little like she was a bank transfer, right?)</p><p>How is the marriage consecrated?  Get your minds out of the gutter right the fuck now! They’re not like our wacko Christian based bullshit where you got to play hide the pickle for that shit to count.  </p><p>In Ancient Greece it was consecrated when the bride MOVED INTO the suitor’s (that be her new boo) quarters.  That’s right, technically Seph and Hades are MARRIED ALREADY, eat shit, Demeter.  Sorry, I had a moment.</p><p>Once the bride stepped foot into the living quarters, the SUNOIKEIN (literally “living together”) began, thus legalizing the (ENGYSIS) suitor/hubby and (KYRIOS) bride.  The day after was typically a day that family and friends would visit the new couple at home.  </p><p>The most important part of the marriage procession would be when the groom drove his still veiled bride to their new home.  Their family would follow carrying gifts and the path would be lit with torches.  The gifts usually featured romantic images of the new couple, thought to bring ease to the new bride and her mother-in-law would be waiting to bring her to her new hearth, where her veil would be removed and she would be welcomed home.</p><p> </p><p>Finally comes the last day of the three day Wedding Palooza.  EPAULIA.  </p><p>This would be when all those gifts that their family and friends brought would be brought inside and opened.  These gifts would be focused around the bride’s new role as a sex and domestic goddess.  Common gifts were jewelry, garments, perfume, pots, and furniture.  </p><p>Kind of a let down on that last day, but since it went on for THREE days, I guess on the third they needed a rest.  </p><p> </p><p>Now you know what would go into a “normal” Ancient Greek wedding, some will pop up in Seph’s, but it’ll be molded to fit our pair.  Thanks for sticking with me, guys.  Here’s hoping that I keep this stuff moving on.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. The Apple Doesn't...Is It A Tree Or A Fucking Labyrinth?!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>I’ve put this particular note off for as long as I could. It’s not that I don’t WANT to write it, it’s simply that this particular subject is so fucking twisted and convoluted that we’re all going to need a stiff drink and a visual aid to keep track (don’t worry, I plan on supplying at least ONE of these).  Also, bear with me, because this is tangled and twisted like a ball of yarn that a cat has gotten hold of and batted around an antique store full of rocking chairs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Family Tree of the Greek gods:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>We’re going to go back to the VERY beginning:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>First there was Chaos. Literally, the VOID.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>From Chaos/the Void grew:  Tartarus (The Abyss), Gaia (The Earth), Eros (Desire), Erebus (Darkness), and Nyx (Night).</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Erebus and Nyx created Aether and Hemera.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tartarus and Gaia came together (no, I don’t know how the Abyss and the Earth managed to mate, don’t start) and somehow birthed Typhon.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gaia, as an epic single parent, brought forth Uranus (har har), Mountains (?, again don’t freaking ask), and Pontus.  Then, because everyone likes a little weirdness in their family tree, the Earth took one look at Uranus and thought “birthed it, would totally hit it” and then did.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>From Gaia and Uranus came Mnemosyne, The Cyclopes, Cronus, Rhea, Coeus, Phoebe, Hyperion, Hecatonchires, Iapetus, Oceanus, Tethys, Echidna.  Of those, Cyclopes, Hecatonchires and Echidna were all MONSTERS, while the others were TITANS.  Cronus and Rhea paired off, Coeus and Phoebe coupled up, and so did Oceanus and Tethys.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before I get  back to the Greek gods, let’s get a taste for the extended family, shall we?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I could start with the couples, but why start at a logical point?  Let’s begin with the single parents, alright?  Or at least the suspected single parents, since we have nothing to argue otherwise.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Starting at the beginning again, with Erebus.  From the Darkness came:  Momus (Blame), Ponos (Woe), Moros (Fate), </span>
  <b>THANATOS </b>
  <span>(Death), Hypnos (Sleep), The Hesperides, The Keres and Fates, Nemesis, Apate (Deception), Philotes (Friendship), Geras (Age), Eris (Stife).  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Iapetus was another single parent, or so it seems, bringing forth Epimetheus, Prometheus, and Atlas.  Epimetheus took the same route as Iapetus, having Dione.  While Oceanus was one half of a couple with Tethys, also had a child apart, Melia.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>The lesser known Titan couples, Coeus and Phoebe and Oceanus and Tethys, had lesser known children.  Coeus and Phoebe brought forth Leto, and Oceanus and Tethys have Pleione, Inachus, and “three-thousand sons and daughters”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Atlas and Pleione came together, at least giving a slight breathing room to the bloodline, and had Maia, Dyrope/Merope/Aero (that game of telephone sucks sometimes, case in point), Asterope, Calaeno, Electra, Alcyone, Taygete.  Melia and Inachus got together to have Io.   </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Off to the side, all alone, would be the six generations from a mortal line that eventually led from Poseidon, from there came Semele. (This will be important soon, I promise.)  The same can be said for the six generations that eventually led from Epaphus, from there came Electryon, then to Licymnius and Alcmene.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Whew, I’m dizzy, how about you?  And now, without further fucking ado...Here we go.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cronus and Rhea sitting in a...OK that shit doesn’t work since Cronus kept eating his kids and Rhea kind of let him until she fed him a rock wrapped like a baby.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Anyway, the two Titan rulers, by default to be fair, and the head of the family tree that we’re really concerned with, right?  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had the following children together, eaten or otherwise:  Hestia, Hades, Hera, Poseidon, Demeter, and Zeus.  Heavy sigh, because this is where shit gets complicated.  Right where that “Z” is.  Fucking Zeus.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Zeus and Hera married and had:  Hephaestus (who got pitched off of Olympus for being butt ugly, but he’s much better now -cough, Aphrodite, cough), Ares, and Hebe.  </span>
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  <span>Zeus and Demeter boinked at least ONCE and managed to create Persphone (when you create perfection the first round, why go back?).</span>
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  <span>Zeus and Mnemosyne (Look ALL the way up at the top of this fucking note) managed to bump together enough to create The Muses (Calliope, Clio, Erato, Euterpe, Melpomene, Polyhymnia, Terpsichore, Thalia, and Urania).  </span>
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  <span>Zeus and Alcmene got together and had Hercules (and if you don’t know how badly that turned out for everyone, well there’s a LOT to unpack there).</span>
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  <span>Zeus and Semele bumped together and created Dionysis and that turned out shockingly well for the god of wine, NOT for Semele.</span>
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  <span>Zeus and Leto (are you sensing a theme to the end of this family tree, yet?) mated and the twins, Apollo and Artemis were the result.  </span>
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  <span>Zeus and Dione came together to form Aphrodite (there’s some dispute about this one, since there’s also the myth that she came from the seafoam after Uranus’, um, chopped off genitals hit the ocean and out she bubbled).</span>
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  <span>Zeus and Maia came together and out popped Hermes (who became a single parent to Abderus, as a side note).  </span>
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  <span>Zeus and Io played hide the little god and out came Epaphus.  </span>
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  <span>And those are just the IMPORTANT offspring that came from Zeus’ games of seduction/sexual assaults.  I mean, damn man, calm your libido.</span>
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  <span>Now for the rest, a bit of a let down honestly.</span>
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  <span>Hermes and Dryope/Merope/Aero had Pan.  But Hermes and Aphrodite (yeah, I know she was married to Hephaestus and was known for banging Ares all over the world, BUT she actually had children with Hermes go figure) gave life to Tyche, Rhodos, Peitho, Eunomia, and Hermaphroditus.</span>
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  <span>If you’re thinking to yourself “how the fuck did anyone try to keep this shit straight?”, you’re not alone.  Just like the game of telephone that were the very myths that I explained, this family tree has the same issue.  Mythology is somewhat fluid, it depends on who you’re speaking to, or which narrative they prefer.  And it’s twisting and turning and will give you a fucking headache if you try to make it fit into a tight box or a straight line.  So don’t try.  </span>
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  <span>
    <a href="https://ludios.org/greekgods/">https://ludios.org/greekgods/</a>
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